Sunday, January 30, 2005
THE LESSONS OF MY PARENTS
My parents - William and Jenne Briedwell -- young teenagers in "loooove"
Posted by Hello
As I said in my recent post regarding my parents, they have represented great role models, not only to my sisters and me, but also to their grandchildren, as well as many of our life friends. While I am not claiming their absolute perfection (no one is perfect, I know!!), I genuinely believe that anyone who has been lucky enough to known them would want to model/pattern themselves after them. I know I always have and will continue to try to do so.
When we were children/teenagers living under their roof, they taught us how to treat others, especially those we love, with honesty, kindness, and tolerance. While providing us with parental guidance and discipline, they never sought to overtake or alter our identities --- Rather, they treasured and valued our distinctive, unique (and oftentimes exasperating) creative identities. In fact, their primary objective/purpose in disciplining/teaching us as children/teenagers was showing us the consequences of our actions, while at the same time, nurturing and fostering our self-esteem and self-worth.
They had a fine line to walk--- but their hard work in learning this fine balance (teaching/guiding, yet not controlling, not hypercritical) was ultimately rewarded... They all have children/grandchildren who not only love them, but even as important, RESPECT them and admire them. And, they also have adult daughters with great self-esteems and self-worth’s, each going the ultimate distance to reach for the stars that our parents held out for our achievement.
Most importantly, their discipline was never geared towards tearing us down or restricting/constraining our creative identities. And, while some of our distinct characteristics could not be all that enjoyable or even pleasant to them at times, their focus continued to be encouragement and support, NEVER disparagement, control, manipulation, power and/or ridicule.....
Once I became an adult, they continued to parent me in their supportive and loving role. All of us girls know that they have always been there for any of us at a moments notice. Yet, we also noticed some small changes in the way they related to us as adults...
One major difference is they have never imposed their unsolicited advice upon us.
Another is they have NEVER (and I do mean absolutely NEVER --even to this day), interfered with our relationships with our spouses or children.
Surely giving them many reasons/opportunities to stick their nose into our adult happenings/relationships as adults/parents in our own right, my parents instead choose to stand back in loving support, ---giving us advice/guidance when we specifically ask for it, trusting us to come to the best decision for our own lives ---and staying in the background to provide help/support when we needed it/asked for it ---- guiding us with their tolerant, compassionate, and loving example. Genuine, unadulterated love is not about control!!!
I know in my own early married life that my parents were confronted with numerous opportunities wherein they could have reacted particularly negative to my spouse or me and interfered with our marriage. In fact, they held their tongues numerous times, even under pure, directed unambiguous verbal attacks on THEM from one of our spouses... Yet, they never said a word.... Why??? Not because of fear or intimidation --- (believe me, most who don't know my dad/his true heart have been deathly intimidated by my Dad). Rather, they did it because they love us and support us -- and only had our ultimate happiness in their minds as their NUMBER ONE priority.
They were never caught up in thinking that their way was right and our way was wrong and that we better damn sure come to their conclusions. Bottom line: no conditions/strings attached with their love... They genuinely loved each of us (and still do) despite all of our many shortcomings/mistakes as human beings... Further, they never waste their precious time on earth saying “I told you so” when we make mistakes. No--- they are only there to pick us up when we fall...
Although I am not claiming sainthood on my parents by any means, their selfless acts make me think of the “passion” of Christ. He loved us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice so that we might live, despite our sinful and even despicable ways.... He was not judgmental or criticizing -- but led us and taught us through his loving and gracious example. In addition, He sought to encourage and guide, not pillage and wreck. And finally, He was “righteous” -- not “self-righteous.”
THAT, my friends/family, is a true example of parenting/loving others/your children with passion...
Posted by Hello
As I said in my recent post regarding my parents, they have represented great role models, not only to my sisters and me, but also to their grandchildren, as well as many of our life friends. While I am not claiming their absolute perfection (no one is perfect, I know!!), I genuinely believe that anyone who has been lucky enough to known them would want to model/pattern themselves after them. I know I always have and will continue to try to do so.
When we were children/teenagers living under their roof, they taught us how to treat others, especially those we love, with honesty, kindness, and tolerance. While providing us with parental guidance and discipline, they never sought to overtake or alter our identities --- Rather, they treasured and valued our distinctive, unique (and oftentimes exasperating) creative identities. In fact, their primary objective/purpose in disciplining/teaching us as children/teenagers was showing us the consequences of our actions, while at the same time, nurturing and fostering our self-esteem and self-worth.
They had a fine line to walk--- but their hard work in learning this fine balance (teaching/guiding, yet not controlling, not hypercritical) was ultimately rewarded... They all have children/grandchildren who not only love them, but even as important, RESPECT them and admire them. And, they also have adult daughters with great self-esteems and self-worth’s, each going the ultimate distance to reach for the stars that our parents held out for our achievement.
Most importantly, their discipline was never geared towards tearing us down or restricting/constraining our creative identities. And, while some of our distinct characteristics could not be all that enjoyable or even pleasant to them at times, their focus continued to be encouragement and support, NEVER disparagement, control, manipulation, power and/or ridicule.....
Once I became an adult, they continued to parent me in their supportive and loving role. All of us girls know that they have always been there for any of us at a moments notice. Yet, we also noticed some small changes in the way they related to us as adults...
One major difference is they have never imposed their unsolicited advice upon us.
Another is they have NEVER (and I do mean absolutely NEVER --even to this day), interfered with our relationships with our spouses or children.
Surely giving them many reasons/opportunities to stick their nose into our adult happenings/relationships as adults/parents in our own right, my parents instead choose to stand back in loving support, ---giving us advice/guidance when we specifically ask for it, trusting us to come to the best decision for our own lives ---and staying in the background to provide help/support when we needed it/asked for it ---- guiding us with their tolerant, compassionate, and loving example. Genuine, unadulterated love is not about control!!!
I know in my own early married life that my parents were confronted with numerous opportunities wherein they could have reacted particularly negative to my spouse or me and interfered with our marriage. In fact, they held their tongues numerous times, even under pure, directed unambiguous verbal attacks on THEM from one of our spouses... Yet, they never said a word.... Why??? Not because of fear or intimidation --- (believe me, most who don't know my dad/his true heart have been deathly intimidated by my Dad). Rather, they did it because they love us and support us -- and only had our ultimate happiness in their minds as their NUMBER ONE priority.
They were never caught up in thinking that their way was right and our way was wrong and that we better damn sure come to their conclusions. Bottom line: no conditions/strings attached with their love... They genuinely loved each of us (and still do) despite all of our many shortcomings/mistakes as human beings... Further, they never waste their precious time on earth saying “I told you so” when we make mistakes. No--- they are only there to pick us up when we fall...
Although I am not claiming sainthood on my parents by any means, their selfless acts make me think of the “passion” of Christ. He loved us so much that He made the ultimate sacrifice so that we might live, despite our sinful and even despicable ways.... He was not judgmental or criticizing -- but led us and taught us through his loving and gracious example. In addition, He sought to encourage and guide, not pillage and wreck. And finally, He was “righteous” -- not “self-righteous.”
THAT, my friends/family, is a true example of parenting/loving others/your children with passion...
The Briedwells (Jenne, my mother; Denise; Dana; Lisa, me -- prego w/Taylor; and William, my dad)
Posted by Hello
Posted by Hello
Saturday, January 29, 2005
Parenting and Grandparenting -- Time Moves On
Photos
Posted by Hello
My daughter Taylor called me several months ago to tell me I am going to be a Grandmama.... At first, it was rather difficult for me to swallow as her parent because I knew she and Justin were only now adjusting to their new lives together. I am proud of she and Justin’s accomplishments together, including the fact that they were learning the ropes as a young couple facing new challenges/responsibilities. As a parent, you love your children so much that you only want the best for them -- you don’t want to see them hurting, in pain, or struggling. Since they had just recently married and were learning to live with one another, and take care of “themselves” for the first time---- not to mention the fact that they live 2,000 miles away from their families, I have to admit that my shocked reaction was more of concern rather than pure excitement. I kept thinking in my head (as a parent), why can they not first get on their emotional/financial "feet," develop indestructible strong bonds/grow together, get through the military and college, then move back somewhere close to me/their family so I/we could build an everyday/close relationship with my/our grandchild???
Following hours, days and weeks of self-reflection, I am happy to say that I am looking at this with a new and fresh perspective.... The shock has worn off, etc. and although I will continue to be concerned (as a parent always will be), notwithstanding my initial shock and worry, I will always love them with all my heart and will also love their baby/my grandchild ---and that is the real bottom line here. My parents and sisters reminded me recently of important (and relevant) things I had forgotten over the years ---- that all of my family had also been extremely concerned when I first got pregnant with Taylor almost 20 years ago -- as I was immature, had only been married a year and did not yet have my college degree, among other numerous things. Yet, they got behind me and supported me -- and life, although it was full of struggles, has continued and we are all better off, having learned all that we have.
As a new mother, I also developed a totally new perspective on life, having (for the first time) to care for/look after a very dependent, helpless, wailing, yet sweet baby. This experience made me grow as a person and allowed me for the very first time in my life to appreciate my parents and see them in a new light, while also showing me the indescribable/pure love you can feel for the child who depends on you for everything. So, the shock has set in and my reason has prevailed --I am totally behind Taylor and Justin in this new quest and give them 100% of my support (as they probably knew all along that I would)...
All of these thoughts about being a grandmama have made me think of my own parents -- who have been the world's greatest grandparents to my children. They have been there through thick and thin for my children and I am so grateful to them.... Not only are they magnificent grandparents, they have also been wonderful parents, who I have grown to admire and respect for all that they taught me and my sisters.
My parents raised four girls. During those days (it was not that far back!!), there were no guidebooks with rules to follow guaranteeing success as parents, just as there were no roadmaps for us girls telling us which roads to choose to ensure our success and happiness. Nevertheless, my parents’ commitment to living and experiencing life based on honesty, kindness, hard work, and tolerance, has ingrained within me the knowledge of just how important these virtues are for a family’s health -- as well as for promoting a civil, gracious, and accepting society (which, sadly, are undervalued in today’s cut-throat society).
My parents taught us and led by example: My dad was the first child in his family (of seven children) to finish high school ---- and with my mom there to encourage him (they got married when she was 17 and he was 19), he was also the first in his family to graduate from college, receiving both his Bachelor and Master’s degree in Biology and Physical Education from North Texas University. He went on to be a coach, mentor and teacher to not only me and my sisters -- but to all of my friends, as well as numerous other students I never even knew.
Similarly, my mom started out as a “piano” teacher when we were really young, teaching students how to play the piano (as she was a musical/piano prodigy herself). However, when I was about 11 years old (I am the oldest child), she decided to go to college to pursue her degree --- and after struggling with balancing school, work, home life, and three rambunctious children (Jalah, my youngest sister was not yet born), she received her Bachelor’s degree in English (minor in Spanish) from the University of Corpus Christi; and later, her Master’s degree in English from North Texas University. Despite my mom’s issues with all she had on her plate, she continually sacrificed her own needs, cooking great meals for our nourishment, unconditionally giving her time and energy to my family, and staying up in the wee hours of the night after all the family had long gone to bed -- just to get her school work done.... My mom was also the first in her family to receive a college degree.
Unfortunately, I cannot recall the day my dad received his degree, as I was too young to remember (I was about 4 years old when he graduated). -- But (fortunately), I can vividly remember going to my mom’s graduation and feeling so very proud of her accomplishments... I remember thinking in my head at that very moment that I wanted to be just like her... She, like my dad, also became a school teacher, mentoring, counseling and teaching not only me and my sisters, but also many of my friends, and numerous other students I never knew...
It was not long after my mom’s graduation that I was soon in the midst of my “self-absorbed” and rebellious teenage years (my poor parents!!). Boy, did I rebel and make problems!!! (not only for my parents, but also, for myself!) I was the oldest, yet I was the most trying/challenging of all the girls-- and also the most immature. But, my parents continued to nurture and love me unconditionally, (although I do have to say I was grounded for some infraction or another for probably 50% of my high school years -- but, believe me, I deserved it!). Despite the numerous troubles I got into and the poor choices I sometimes made, the core values they instilled by their life examples, (of honesty, kindness, hard work and tolerance), remained important to me....
Because they were successful and ambitious in their own lives, my parents also had ‘high’ expectations for each of us, wanting each of us to have it easier than they did, and wishing/hoping for each of us to achieve even more than they had.... Through the last few years, as my children are growing older, I have learned that wanting/expecting so much for your children and of your children -- and wanting them to have a comfortable/happy life --- are just different “expressions” of your love for you children. In the end, though, a parent must also have the “faith” to believe/trust that their children will find their own way of living their lives, recognizing success/happiness in their own ways and in their own time... It is hard --but a parent has to learn to sit back and allow their children’s independent personalities find their own paths to success and happiness... This has been my major dilemma as a parent ---- to really let go.........
I just cannot tell you how honored I am to have my remarkable parents ---they have taught me sooo much. They have been wonderful and loving as my children’s grandparents (and now will be wonderful great-grandparents to my grandchildren). It has truly been a gift to be embraced and accepted by the limitless capacity of their unconditional and unwavering love for all of us.... They have been great examples for all of us.
Posted by Hello
My daughter Taylor called me several months ago to tell me I am going to be a Grandmama.... At first, it was rather difficult for me to swallow as her parent because I knew she and Justin were only now adjusting to their new lives together. I am proud of she and Justin’s accomplishments together, including the fact that they were learning the ropes as a young couple facing new challenges/responsibilities. As a parent, you love your children so much that you only want the best for them -- you don’t want to see them hurting, in pain, or struggling. Since they had just recently married and were learning to live with one another, and take care of “themselves” for the first time---- not to mention the fact that they live 2,000 miles away from their families, I have to admit that my shocked reaction was more of concern rather than pure excitement. I kept thinking in my head (as a parent), why can they not first get on their emotional/financial "feet," develop indestructible strong bonds/grow together, get through the military and college, then move back somewhere close to me/their family so I/we could build an everyday/close relationship with my/our grandchild???
Following hours, days and weeks of self-reflection, I am happy to say that I am looking at this with a new and fresh perspective.... The shock has worn off, etc. and although I will continue to be concerned (as a parent always will be), notwithstanding my initial shock and worry, I will always love them with all my heart and will also love their baby/my grandchild ---and that is the real bottom line here. My parents and sisters reminded me recently of important (and relevant) things I had forgotten over the years ---- that all of my family had also been extremely concerned when I first got pregnant with Taylor almost 20 years ago -- as I was immature, had only been married a year and did not yet have my college degree, among other numerous things. Yet, they got behind me and supported me -- and life, although it was full of struggles, has continued and we are all better off, having learned all that we have.
As a new mother, I also developed a totally new perspective on life, having (for the first time) to care for/look after a very dependent, helpless, wailing, yet sweet baby. This experience made me grow as a person and allowed me for the very first time in my life to appreciate my parents and see them in a new light, while also showing me the indescribable/pure love you can feel for the child who depends on you for everything. So, the shock has set in and my reason has prevailed --I am totally behind Taylor and Justin in this new quest and give them 100% of my support (as they probably knew all along that I would)...
All of these thoughts about being a grandmama have made me think of my own parents -- who have been the world's greatest grandparents to my children. They have been there through thick and thin for my children and I am so grateful to them.... Not only are they magnificent grandparents, they have also been wonderful parents, who I have grown to admire and respect for all that they taught me and my sisters.
My parents raised four girls. During those days (it was not that far back!!), there were no guidebooks with rules to follow guaranteeing success as parents, just as there were no roadmaps for us girls telling us which roads to choose to ensure our success and happiness. Nevertheless, my parents’ commitment to living and experiencing life based on honesty, kindness, hard work, and tolerance, has ingrained within me the knowledge of just how important these virtues are for a family’s health -- as well as for promoting a civil, gracious, and accepting society (which, sadly, are undervalued in today’s cut-throat society).
My parents taught us and led by example: My dad was the first child in his family (of seven children) to finish high school ---- and with my mom there to encourage him (they got married when she was 17 and he was 19), he was also the first in his family to graduate from college, receiving both his Bachelor and Master’s degree in Biology and Physical Education from North Texas University. He went on to be a coach, mentor and teacher to not only me and my sisters -- but to all of my friends, as well as numerous other students I never even knew.
Similarly, my mom started out as a “piano” teacher when we were really young, teaching students how to play the piano (as she was a musical/piano prodigy herself). However, when I was about 11 years old (I am the oldest child), she decided to go to college to pursue her degree --- and after struggling with balancing school, work, home life, and three rambunctious children (Jalah, my youngest sister was not yet born), she received her Bachelor’s degree in English (minor in Spanish) from the University of Corpus Christi; and later, her Master’s degree in English from North Texas University. Despite my mom’s issues with all she had on her plate, she continually sacrificed her own needs, cooking great meals for our nourishment, unconditionally giving her time and energy to my family, and staying up in the wee hours of the night after all the family had long gone to bed -- just to get her school work done.... My mom was also the first in her family to receive a college degree.
Unfortunately, I cannot recall the day my dad received his degree, as I was too young to remember (I was about 4 years old when he graduated). -- But (fortunately), I can vividly remember going to my mom’s graduation and feeling so very proud of her accomplishments... I remember thinking in my head at that very moment that I wanted to be just like her... She, like my dad, also became a school teacher, mentoring, counseling and teaching not only me and my sisters, but also many of my friends, and numerous other students I never knew...
It was not long after my mom’s graduation that I was soon in the midst of my “self-absorbed” and rebellious teenage years (my poor parents!!). Boy, did I rebel and make problems!!! (not only for my parents, but also, for myself!) I was the oldest, yet I was the most trying/challenging of all the girls-- and also the most immature. But, my parents continued to nurture and love me unconditionally, (although I do have to say I was grounded for some infraction or another for probably 50% of my high school years -- but, believe me, I deserved it!). Despite the numerous troubles I got into and the poor choices I sometimes made, the core values they instilled by their life examples, (of honesty, kindness, hard work and tolerance), remained important to me....
Because they were successful and ambitious in their own lives, my parents also had ‘high’ expectations for each of us, wanting each of us to have it easier than they did, and wishing/hoping for each of us to achieve even more than they had.... Through the last few years, as my children are growing older, I have learned that wanting/expecting so much for your children and of your children -- and wanting them to have a comfortable/happy life --- are just different “expressions” of your love for you children. In the end, though, a parent must also have the “faith” to believe/trust that their children will find their own way of living their lives, recognizing success/happiness in their own ways and in their own time... It is hard --but a parent has to learn to sit back and allow their children’s independent personalities find their own paths to success and happiness... This has been my major dilemma as a parent ---- to really let go.........
I just cannot tell you how honored I am to have my remarkable parents ---they have taught me sooo much. They have been wonderful and loving as my children’s grandparents (and now will be wonderful great-grandparents to my grandchildren). It has truly been a gift to be embraced and accepted by the limitless capacity of their unconditional and unwavering love for all of us.... They have been great examples for all of us.
A Happy Couple - My daughter and son-in-law
Taylor and Justin - Wedding Reception - Summer 2004
Posted by Hello
Taylor (20 yrs old) and Justin (19 yrs old) decided they wanted to be together more than anything else in the world! So, they eloped while Justin was in Basic Training for the army in Georgia on May 27, 2004 -- when she drove down with his parents for his graduation. Yes, I was upset at first! Why? Because she is my only daughter -- and I wanted to be able to throw her a wedding of a lifetime -- or to at least be included on the most important day of her life!!! Yes, I also wanted her to finish college and get her degree before marrying. But, they decided on their own the way they wanted to do things. And Troy and I eventually came to terms with their decision. We had to -- because we love them... We also know that Justin loves our daughter very much, which is very important to us!
Troy and I were again surprised by them with another decision they made recently! Taylor called me in November to tell me I am going to be a Grandmama.... At first, it was rather difficult for me to swallow as her parent because I knew she and Justin were only now adjusting to their new lives together. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of their accomplishments together, including the fact that they are learning the ropes as a young couple facing new challenges/responsibilities. But, as a parent, you love your children so much that you only want the best for them -- you don’t want to see them hurting, in pain, or struggling (financially, physically or emotionally). Since she and Justin had just recently married and were learning to live with one another, and take care of “themselves” for the first time---- not to mention the fact that they live 2,000 miles away from their families, I have to admit that my shocked reaction was more of concern rather than pure excitement. I kept thinking in my head (as a parent), why can they not first get on their emotional/financial "feet," develop indestructible strong bonds/grow together, get through the military and college, then move back somewhere close to me/their family so I/we could build an everyday/close relationship with my/our grandchild???
Now, several months later, following hours of self-reflection, I am happy to say that I am looking at this with a new and fresh perspective.... The shock has worn off, etc. and although I will continue to be concerned (as a parent always will be), notwithstanding my initial shock and worry, I will always love them with all my heart and will also love their baby/my grandchild ---and that is the real bottom line here.
Posted by Hello
Taylor (20 yrs old) and Justin (19 yrs old) decided they wanted to be together more than anything else in the world! So, they eloped while Justin was in Basic Training for the army in Georgia on May 27, 2004 -- when she drove down with his parents for his graduation. Yes, I was upset at first! Why? Because she is my only daughter -- and I wanted to be able to throw her a wedding of a lifetime -- or to at least be included on the most important day of her life!!! Yes, I also wanted her to finish college and get her degree before marrying. But, they decided on their own the way they wanted to do things. And Troy and I eventually came to terms with their decision. We had to -- because we love them... We also know that Justin loves our daughter very much, which is very important to us!
Troy and I were again surprised by them with another decision they made recently! Taylor called me in November to tell me I am going to be a Grandmama.... At first, it was rather difficult for me to swallow as her parent because I knew she and Justin were only now adjusting to their new lives together. Don't get me wrong, I am proud of their accomplishments together, including the fact that they are learning the ropes as a young couple facing new challenges/responsibilities. But, as a parent, you love your children so much that you only want the best for them -- you don’t want to see them hurting, in pain, or struggling (financially, physically or emotionally). Since she and Justin had just recently married and were learning to live with one another, and take care of “themselves” for the first time---- not to mention the fact that they live 2,000 miles away from their families, I have to admit that my shocked reaction was more of concern rather than pure excitement. I kept thinking in my head (as a parent), why can they not first get on their emotional/financial "feet," develop indestructible strong bonds/grow together, get through the military and college, then move back somewhere close to me/their family so I/we could build an everyday/close relationship with my/our grandchild???
Now, several months later, following hours of self-reflection, I am happy to say that I am looking at this with a new and fresh perspective.... The shock has worn off, etc. and although I will continue to be concerned (as a parent always will be), notwithstanding my initial shock and worry, I will always love them with all my heart and will also love their baby/my grandchild ---and that is the real bottom line here.
Brothers Forever! - My two sons!
Dylan and Ryan - Brothers forever!
Posted by Hello
My oldest son Ryan (who will be 16! on Feb. 1st), and my youngest son Dylan (7 yrs old), have been close brothers from day 1 of Dylan's birth. Troy and I were a little concerned when Dylan was born that Ryan would be a little jealous of baby Dylan. He NEVER was -- and was the child who helped with Dylan more than we even expected. He loved to feed and take care of him. When Dylan got a little older, he liked to sleep with Dylan (although those days are gone now, of course). Dylan looks up to his big brother so much.... He really believes that Ryan hung the moon. In turn, Ryan would do almost anything for his brother...
Posted by Hello
My oldest son Ryan (who will be 16! on Feb. 1st), and my youngest son Dylan (7 yrs old), have been close brothers from day 1 of Dylan's birth. Troy and I were a little concerned when Dylan was born that Ryan would be a little jealous of baby Dylan. He NEVER was -- and was the child who helped with Dylan more than we even expected. He loved to feed and take care of him. When Dylan got a little older, he liked to sleep with Dylan (although those days are gone now, of course). Dylan looks up to his big brother so much.... He really believes that Ryan hung the moon. In turn, Ryan would do almost anything for his brother...
Thursday, January 27, 2005
New Beginnings -- Illusory Promises
Here is to a fresh start -- Will post some photos later......
