Saturday, January 29, 2005
Parenting and Grandparenting -- Time Moves On
Photos
Posted by Hello
My daughter Taylor called me several months ago to tell me I am going to be a Grandmama.... At first, it was rather difficult for me to swallow as her parent because I knew she and Justin were only now adjusting to their new lives together. I am proud of she and Justin’s accomplishments together, including the fact that they were learning the ropes as a young couple facing new challenges/responsibilities. As a parent, you love your children so much that you only want the best for them -- you don’t want to see them hurting, in pain, or struggling. Since they had just recently married and were learning to live with one another, and take care of “themselves” for the first time---- not to mention the fact that they live 2,000 miles away from their families, I have to admit that my shocked reaction was more of concern rather than pure excitement. I kept thinking in my head (as a parent), why can they not first get on their emotional/financial "feet," develop indestructible strong bonds/grow together, get through the military and college, then move back somewhere close to me/their family so I/we could build an everyday/close relationship with my/our grandchild???
Following hours, days and weeks of self-reflection, I am happy to say that I am looking at this with a new and fresh perspective.... The shock has worn off, etc. and although I will continue to be concerned (as a parent always will be), notwithstanding my initial shock and worry, I will always love them with all my heart and will also love their baby/my grandchild ---and that is the real bottom line here. My parents and sisters reminded me recently of important (and relevant) things I had forgotten over the years ---- that all of my family had also been extremely concerned when I first got pregnant with Taylor almost 20 years ago -- as I was immature, had only been married a year and did not yet have my college degree, among other numerous things. Yet, they got behind me and supported me -- and life, although it was full of struggles, has continued and we are all better off, having learned all that we have.
As a new mother, I also developed a totally new perspective on life, having (for the first time) to care for/look after a very dependent, helpless, wailing, yet sweet baby. This experience made me grow as a person and allowed me for the very first time in my life to appreciate my parents and see them in a new light, while also showing me the indescribable/pure love you can feel for the child who depends on you for everything. So, the shock has set in and my reason has prevailed --I am totally behind Taylor and Justin in this new quest and give them 100% of my support (as they probably knew all along that I would)...
All of these thoughts about being a grandmama have made me think of my own parents -- who have been the world's greatest grandparents to my children. They have been there through thick and thin for my children and I am so grateful to them.... Not only are they magnificent grandparents, they have also been wonderful parents, who I have grown to admire and respect for all that they taught me and my sisters.
My parents raised four girls. During those days (it was not that far back!!), there were no guidebooks with rules to follow guaranteeing success as parents, just as there were no roadmaps for us girls telling us which roads to choose to ensure our success and happiness. Nevertheless, my parents’ commitment to living and experiencing life based on honesty, kindness, hard work, and tolerance, has ingrained within me the knowledge of just how important these virtues are for a family’s health -- as well as for promoting a civil, gracious, and accepting society (which, sadly, are undervalued in today’s cut-throat society).
My parents taught us and led by example: My dad was the first child in his family (of seven children) to finish high school ---- and with my mom there to encourage him (they got married when she was 17 and he was 19), he was also the first in his family to graduate from college, receiving both his Bachelor and Master’s degree in Biology and Physical Education from North Texas University. He went on to be a coach, mentor and teacher to not only me and my sisters -- but to all of my friends, as well as numerous other students I never even knew.
Similarly, my mom started out as a “piano” teacher when we were really young, teaching students how to play the piano (as she was a musical/piano prodigy herself). However, when I was about 11 years old (I am the oldest child), she decided to go to college to pursue her degree --- and after struggling with balancing school, work, home life, and three rambunctious children (Jalah, my youngest sister was not yet born), she received her Bachelor’s degree in English (minor in Spanish) from the University of Corpus Christi; and later, her Master’s degree in English from North Texas University. Despite my mom’s issues with all she had on her plate, she continually sacrificed her own needs, cooking great meals for our nourishment, unconditionally giving her time and energy to my family, and staying up in the wee hours of the night after all the family had long gone to bed -- just to get her school work done.... My mom was also the first in her family to receive a college degree.
Unfortunately, I cannot recall the day my dad received his degree, as I was too young to remember (I was about 4 years old when he graduated). -- But (fortunately), I can vividly remember going to my mom’s graduation and feeling so very proud of her accomplishments... I remember thinking in my head at that very moment that I wanted to be just like her... She, like my dad, also became a school teacher, mentoring, counseling and teaching not only me and my sisters, but also many of my friends, and numerous other students I never knew...
It was not long after my mom’s graduation that I was soon in the midst of my “self-absorbed” and rebellious teenage years (my poor parents!!). Boy, did I rebel and make problems!!! (not only for my parents, but also, for myself!) I was the oldest, yet I was the most trying/challenging of all the girls-- and also the most immature. But, my parents continued to nurture and love me unconditionally, (although I do have to say I was grounded for some infraction or another for probably 50% of my high school years -- but, believe me, I deserved it!). Despite the numerous troubles I got into and the poor choices I sometimes made, the core values they instilled by their life examples, (of honesty, kindness, hard work and tolerance), remained important to me....
Because they were successful and ambitious in their own lives, my parents also had ‘high’ expectations for each of us, wanting each of us to have it easier than they did, and wishing/hoping for each of us to achieve even more than they had.... Through the last few years, as my children are growing older, I have learned that wanting/expecting so much for your children and of your children -- and wanting them to have a comfortable/happy life --- are just different “expressions” of your love for you children. In the end, though, a parent must also have the “faith” to believe/trust that their children will find their own way of living their lives, recognizing success/happiness in their own ways and in their own time... It is hard --but a parent has to learn to sit back and allow their children’s independent personalities find their own paths to success and happiness... This has been my major dilemma as a parent ---- to really let go.........
I just cannot tell you how honored I am to have my remarkable parents ---they have taught me sooo much. They have been wonderful and loving as my children’s grandparents (and now will be wonderful great-grandparents to my grandchildren). It has truly been a gift to be embraced and accepted by the limitless capacity of their unconditional and unwavering love for all of us.... They have been great examples for all of us.
Posted by Hello
My daughter Taylor called me several months ago to tell me I am going to be a Grandmama.... At first, it was rather difficult for me to swallow as her parent because I knew she and Justin were only now adjusting to their new lives together. I am proud of she and Justin’s accomplishments together, including the fact that they were learning the ropes as a young couple facing new challenges/responsibilities. As a parent, you love your children so much that you only want the best for them -- you don’t want to see them hurting, in pain, or struggling. Since they had just recently married and were learning to live with one another, and take care of “themselves” for the first time---- not to mention the fact that they live 2,000 miles away from their families, I have to admit that my shocked reaction was more of concern rather than pure excitement. I kept thinking in my head (as a parent), why can they not first get on their emotional/financial "feet," develop indestructible strong bonds/grow together, get through the military and college, then move back somewhere close to me/their family so I/we could build an everyday/close relationship with my/our grandchild???
Following hours, days and weeks of self-reflection, I am happy to say that I am looking at this with a new and fresh perspective.... The shock has worn off, etc. and although I will continue to be concerned (as a parent always will be), notwithstanding my initial shock and worry, I will always love them with all my heart and will also love their baby/my grandchild ---and that is the real bottom line here. My parents and sisters reminded me recently of important (and relevant) things I had forgotten over the years ---- that all of my family had also been extremely concerned when I first got pregnant with Taylor almost 20 years ago -- as I was immature, had only been married a year and did not yet have my college degree, among other numerous things. Yet, they got behind me and supported me -- and life, although it was full of struggles, has continued and we are all better off, having learned all that we have.
As a new mother, I also developed a totally new perspective on life, having (for the first time) to care for/look after a very dependent, helpless, wailing, yet sweet baby. This experience made me grow as a person and allowed me for the very first time in my life to appreciate my parents and see them in a new light, while also showing me the indescribable/pure love you can feel for the child who depends on you for everything. So, the shock has set in and my reason has prevailed --I am totally behind Taylor and Justin in this new quest and give them 100% of my support (as they probably knew all along that I would)...
All of these thoughts about being a grandmama have made me think of my own parents -- who have been the world's greatest grandparents to my children. They have been there through thick and thin for my children and I am so grateful to them.... Not only are they magnificent grandparents, they have also been wonderful parents, who I have grown to admire and respect for all that they taught me and my sisters.
My parents raised four girls. During those days (it was not that far back!!), there were no guidebooks with rules to follow guaranteeing success as parents, just as there were no roadmaps for us girls telling us which roads to choose to ensure our success and happiness. Nevertheless, my parents’ commitment to living and experiencing life based on honesty, kindness, hard work, and tolerance, has ingrained within me the knowledge of just how important these virtues are for a family’s health -- as well as for promoting a civil, gracious, and accepting society (which, sadly, are undervalued in today’s cut-throat society).
My parents taught us and led by example: My dad was the first child in his family (of seven children) to finish high school ---- and with my mom there to encourage him (they got married when she was 17 and he was 19), he was also the first in his family to graduate from college, receiving both his Bachelor and Master’s degree in Biology and Physical Education from North Texas University. He went on to be a coach, mentor and teacher to not only me and my sisters -- but to all of my friends, as well as numerous other students I never even knew.
Similarly, my mom started out as a “piano” teacher when we were really young, teaching students how to play the piano (as she was a musical/piano prodigy herself). However, when I was about 11 years old (I am the oldest child), she decided to go to college to pursue her degree --- and after struggling with balancing school, work, home life, and three rambunctious children (Jalah, my youngest sister was not yet born), she received her Bachelor’s degree in English (minor in Spanish) from the University of Corpus Christi; and later, her Master’s degree in English from North Texas University. Despite my mom’s issues with all she had on her plate, she continually sacrificed her own needs, cooking great meals for our nourishment, unconditionally giving her time and energy to my family, and staying up in the wee hours of the night after all the family had long gone to bed -- just to get her school work done.... My mom was also the first in her family to receive a college degree.
Unfortunately, I cannot recall the day my dad received his degree, as I was too young to remember (I was about 4 years old when he graduated). -- But (fortunately), I can vividly remember going to my mom’s graduation and feeling so very proud of her accomplishments... I remember thinking in my head at that very moment that I wanted to be just like her... She, like my dad, also became a school teacher, mentoring, counseling and teaching not only me and my sisters, but also many of my friends, and numerous other students I never knew...
It was not long after my mom’s graduation that I was soon in the midst of my “self-absorbed” and rebellious teenage years (my poor parents!!). Boy, did I rebel and make problems!!! (not only for my parents, but also, for myself!) I was the oldest, yet I was the most trying/challenging of all the girls-- and also the most immature. But, my parents continued to nurture and love me unconditionally, (although I do have to say I was grounded for some infraction or another for probably 50% of my high school years -- but, believe me, I deserved it!). Despite the numerous troubles I got into and the poor choices I sometimes made, the core values they instilled by their life examples, (of honesty, kindness, hard work and tolerance), remained important to me....
Because they were successful and ambitious in their own lives, my parents also had ‘high’ expectations for each of us, wanting each of us to have it easier than they did, and wishing/hoping for each of us to achieve even more than they had.... Through the last few years, as my children are growing older, I have learned that wanting/expecting so much for your children and of your children -- and wanting them to have a comfortable/happy life --- are just different “expressions” of your love for you children. In the end, though, a parent must also have the “faith” to believe/trust that their children will find their own way of living their lives, recognizing success/happiness in their own ways and in their own time... It is hard --but a parent has to learn to sit back and allow their children’s independent personalities find their own paths to success and happiness... This has been my major dilemma as a parent ---- to really let go.........
I just cannot tell you how honored I am to have my remarkable parents ---they have taught me sooo much. They have been wonderful and loving as my children’s grandparents (and now will be wonderful great-grandparents to my grandchildren). It has truly been a gift to be embraced and accepted by the limitless capacity of their unconditional and unwavering love for all of us.... They have been great examples for all of us.
# posted by Lawchick2005 @ 1:01 PM 
